Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drake has all the answers
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize