Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
