More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
