I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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