Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
