Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
