Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
