remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
