in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
