Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
