how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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