So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he puts the penis in happiness.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You took a bar mat shot.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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