He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
