I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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