take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
