DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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