i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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