the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
