I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You dont lie about slip and slides
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
