I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
