I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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