I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
