I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
