I am in a vortex of obligation.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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