i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
