So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
