Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
