he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize