Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize