Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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