i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
