i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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