i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
