Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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