you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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