i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize