I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
