Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
