Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
