i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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