Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize