I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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