Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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