we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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