and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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