Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
