My girlfriend figured out who you are.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
