Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
