Girls should come with a carfax report
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize