as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
