Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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