whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
