You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was CRYING into my vagina
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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