The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
