it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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