it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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