we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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