I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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