she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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