my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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