i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
