WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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