Umm I'm too high to move.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my liver is dry heaving
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
