I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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