This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Two words: nipple clamps
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