Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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