Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
