We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
