A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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