Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
