Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
