so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
