okay pat passed out under dana's car
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
People in love make me want to vomit
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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