Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
